An Anniversary

I think I have all my archives in this blog fixed now. I had to update some URL’s. MT has different URL’s for entries than they did when I started using it (version 2.66). The old URL’s had numbers for entries. These have some dirified version of the title. Plus my old links were to entries in my PlanetHuff blog, which will soon be defunct altogether, so I wanted to make sure everything was ready to go before then.

I wonder if if is my fate to be down during this week each year. This week marks the two-year anniversary of the most painful period of my life to date. I wonder if I will forever mull it over this week each year, or will it truly just take more time than I thought? Sometimes I wonder if it’s really possible to get over some types of pain, and for the past two years, this week has been very raw for me emotionally. It isn’t to say that I dwell on it all the time, or that I can’t get past it. It reminds me of a passage I’ve quoted before from The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway:

I lay awake thinking and my mind jumping around. Then I couldn’t keep away from it, and I started to think about Brett and all the rest of it went away. I was thinking about Brett and my mind stopped jumping around and started to go in sort of smooth waves. Then all of a sudden I started to cry. Then after a while it was better and I lay in bed and listened to the heavy trams go by and way down the street, and then I went to sleep… This was Brett, that I had felt like crying about. Then I thought of her walking up the street and stepping into the car, as I had last seen her, and of course in a little while I felt like hell again. It is awfully easy to be hard-boiled about everything in the daytime, but at night it is another thing.

Maybe this time of year, with its associations and sad memories, is my night.

Speaking of anniversaries, tomorrow, my grandparents will have been married 55 years. Happy anniversary Granna and Papa!

4 thoughts on “An Anniversary

  1. Hi Dana,

    I hope you won't mind me posting. I'm just not in a Dark kinda mood tonight. It seems we have a few things in common. I too have a bad week each year. Mine started in 1974 and it still comes every year like clock work. I wish I could tell you it will change and someday you won't think about it. But, that would be a lie. I can say it won't seem to hurt as bad.

    She was my everything. The rocking chair that could take you to far away places. The gentle hand that could mend a broken heart. I miss her so.

    I read this once and thought of her…
    If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

    Goodnight My Friend
    Yaya

  2. I, too, have a date that affects me each year, regardless of whether I'm consciously thinking of it or not. It's a build up for about two weeks prior whereby nothing feels right, and my mood and my entire outlook is altered. I never dwell on it, per se, but none-the-less, I am reminded of that date each year. I'm glad for the inner reminder, as I would never want to forget that time in my life. I do find it amazing how we are so much bigger than our conscious selves.

    I hope you get feeling better soon.

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