My Children Freak Me Out


I wrote my parents the other day to tell them that Dylan is now able to stand up in the middle of the floor without pulling up on anything. He isn’t walking yet, but I’m convinced it’s only because he doesn’t know he can. I closed my e-mail with the thought that soon he would figure out he can indeed walk. My dad replied that then I’ll have two of them to chase after. My reaction to that was, that’s different from now how?

Dylan is already a first rate climber. The moment my back is turned, he’s mounting an expedition to the upper reaches of the couch or the computer table. He’s exploring the depths of the toilet. He’s testing every potential choking hazard to see if it’s edible. I am a tired woman right now.

Maggie, on the other hand, scares me with her quick mind. Those of you with digital cable or satellite may be familiar with those handy (or not so handy, depending on your company) guides that you can use to see what’s on the other channels. I was using the guide to see how long the King Arthur show I was watching on TLC would last. One of the channels on the same section of the guide was Toon Disney. There was no Toon Disney logo. It said something like “TDISE.” Maggie immediately says, “I want to watch Toon Disney, Mama; I want to watch Toon Disney.” How on earth did she know that’s what it was? Surely she can’t read? Earlier that night, after we went through Wendy’s drive-thru, she asked me for her “Garbeel.” I said I didn’t have one and didn’t know what it was. She said, “Yes, you do.” Later, I pulled a Garfield toy out of her kid’s meal. How did she know what the toy was going to be? Is she possessed of the Sight? Or just some really unnatural awareness of small details that eludes me? (Don’t answer that, Steve.)

My children freak me out.


4 thoughts on “My Children Freak Me Out

  1. You need to add the additional stuff I told you tonight.
    You know it's the pointed ear and red hair, don't you?

  2. I vote unnatural awareness. You are both gonna have to watch that girl!

    I have a friend whose son is about a month older than Dylan and he isn't walking either. Like Dylan he probably can walk but just won't. Give him a cane!

  3. Oh. I was gonna go into some speal about brand recognition and how capitalism is targeting the youngest of the young, but…nevermind!

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