I wonder if they ever really go away. Maybe if I stayed at one school long enough, they might. I am looking at the clock, thinking I need to get in bed. The dryer buzzed. I can fold some clothes. That will be something to do.
I ironed my black skirt and lavender blouse for tomorrow. I wish they looked nicer. The blouse is silk and has small tears at the cuffs. I can fix it so that no one notices if I use tape on the inside. My pantyhose have a couple of tiny snags in them. I cleaned a white spot off my black shoes.
The schedule tomorrow is abbreviated, which I think is a great idea. There is a long morning program wherein the faculty will be introduced. The classes themselves will only be about 15-20 minutes long, I believe. And then the students will leave at 2:00. Then, I guess, we’re all about business on Tuesday.
I’m nervous. I want to do well here. It isn’t that I haven’t done well in the past so much as I just can’t seem to find a place where I fit. So far, I feel at home. But tomorrow, the real test begins. I was chosen from a great many candidates for this position — Nanci showed me the stack of résumés she didn’t even interview with. She agonized over whether to hire me or someone else who was also very high on her list. She was very honest with me about this. I don’t want to disappoint her. She placed a lot of faith in me.
I’m sitting here hoping I can be good at this, hoping she won’t decide she made a mistake. I was really happy at work last week. I love this job so far. I want to be great. There have been many times that I questioned whether I should continue to teach. Was it that I hadn’t found a home yet, or was it that I wasn’t good? I can think up some great ideas for lessons, but sometimes I don’t feel like I pull it all together like I should. Is that just me?
I can honestly say that I have finally learned that I don’t need the students to “like” me. Age and some small amount of wisdom has taught me that. But I do want them to consider me a good teacher ten years from now when they look back. That is really important to me.