Much Madness is Divinest Sense

Life was undoubtedly very hard back in the old days. No convenience. You had to work on your farm during all the hours of daylight. It was difficult to get by. Lots of diseases.

After reading my Grandma Stella’s diary, though, I wish we were back in the horse and buggy days for several reasons. Life was harder, yes, but somewhat less complicated — more focused on getting by day to day.

I also really, really hate cars. Over the past five years, I have had more trouble with cars than I can remember ever having. If I have to drive very far or in the rain, I am literally shaking with fear that I’ll break down. The thing is, right now, my car seems OK. A while ago, when I went to pick up Sarah, I had to drive in the rain, which is something that is always scary to do in Atlanta, and the car was acting… funny. It didn’t act like it wanted to go, and the automatic transmission wasn’t shifting as smoothly as it usually does. So I tried not to hyperventilate.

I know, I know. I have AAA. I also don’t have money for the car to break down right now, but someone would probably help us if it came to that. Just the thought of breaking down one more time was giving me stomach cramps. So many things have gone wrong with the cars I’ve had over the past five years, almost always when I have one or more children with me, from flat tires to complete engine crapout. I shouldn’t be fazed by it anymore. But all that car trouble has only deepened my anxiety behind the wheel.

I wish I could just climb up into my buggy, grab the reins, and say “hyah.” I wish I didn’t really ever have to go more than a few miles from home so hoofing it (whether with a horse or without) wouldn’t be such a terrible outcome.

I know there are other problems I’d have to deal with if I had a horse, but sometimes I can’t help but think all these modern inventions have caused more stress and anxiety than they’re worth in terms of convenience. I somehow doubt my great-great-grandfather had palpitations and gripped the reins tightly if his horse, say, threw a shoe, or something. Maybe that’s why he lived into his 90’s. My damned car will send me to an early grave.

My sleep schedule has been off all summer, since I’m not working, which causes me to revert to my night-owl tendencies. I was doing okay, though, until staying up all night to read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Now I can’t seem to get back on my normal schedule.

Gah!

It drives me bonkers to keep such vampirish hours.

I have discovered Disney Channel’s series Lizzie McGuire in re-runs. OK, so what — I think it’s a cute show. I am absolutely charmed by Gordo, and I think Lizzie’s mom is adorable. Her glasses are so cool, and her hairstyle is so cute.

Sigh. What’s wrong with me? Don’t answer that.