Much Madness is Divinest Sense

Steve doesn’t look in on what I write, so I’m probably safe in posting this, but then again, there might be two people who read his blog who know I exist and visit here, so I might be better off minding my p’s and q’s. Nah.

I don’t keep up with Steve’s blog for two reasons: 1) a childish indignancy over the fact that he doesn’t keep up with mine, boring though it most likely is; and 2) the true-crime stuff is ghoulish, and I don’t like reading about it. Anyway, if I want to know about “secret infections, hidden deformities, assaults upon children” (“Good Country People,” Flannery O’Connor), then I can count on my mom. Every once in a while, however, I do check in to see what’s what.

Steve’s blog is fairly popular, and he has captured the notice of journalists. He has appeared on several TV programs, most notably, Dateline, as a true-crime talking head. He knows that journalists read his blog and groused mightily one recent evening about one talking head in particular whom he feels regularly pirates his work. I am supportive of Steve, but I stay out of it. In a way, I think he likes it like that. I think it keeps him grounded. After reading comments on a recent post, I guess I can see why he’d need that. I was kind of trying not to retch over the fact that the majority them were so, well, fawning is a word that comes to mind. Steve’s just a regular guy. He farts. He belches. He breathes. You’d almost think he was on some other plane based on the comments he gets on his blog and MySpace (me — I’m still holding strong against getting one). It’s kind of scary to me on one level, because these folks don’t seem to realize he’s just a person like they are. People who have that sort of opinion of a television personality, writer, musician, or what have you are probably, for the most part, OK; there are always weirdos, however, and true-crime brings them out of the woodwork.

Jealous? Nah, I’m not, though I admit it would be a logical conclusion to reach. Steve’s online writing has always been more popular than mine, and I accepted it a long time ago. I do what I do, and I let him get on with doing what he does. If I was truly jealous, I don’t know that we could make our marriage work. Seriously. It would be a bit like professional jealousy, and I can think of plenty of marriages that professional jealousy has torn apart. Comments are nice. I don’t mind getting them. But if I am writing to fish for complimentarly comments, I’m writing for all the wrong reasons, and I’m wasting everybody’s time, mine included. A cursory look at this blog and any other blog I keep (note the lack of updates) should tell you I write when and what I feel like.

Nah, I’m not jealous. If you want to know the truth, I’m glad my blogs aren’t popular. I would feel more compelled to update, and that’s a burden I don’t want. I have watched Steve become increasingly chained to his blog, and it worries me. If I didn’t think perhaps money might come out of it (sooner or later, anyway), then I think I would be more alarmed than I am. I can see that what he is trying to do is lay the foundation for a career, and I am trying to support that. I don’t know if I could stand being in the spotlight, such as it is, like Steve is.

So if I’m not jealous, what’s my problem? Why do the comments on Steve’s blog and MySpace bother me? These folks are most likely quite normal, but what if they’re not? We already had a run-in with one reader/commenter who actually lives nearby and claimed to have been in trouble with the law for stalking. When I became uncomfortable with the level of communication between her and Steve and let them know, she at first apologized, then later, sent a scathing e-mail accusing me of over-reacting in the extreme (sorry — just a little worried about that record of stalking she had) and inventing the problem, which would most likely result in the demise of my marriage. What I am worried about is how many of these weirdos are out there, putting my husband on a pedestal of sorts (and blowing smoke up his rear). It’s hard to keep your head when stuff like that is happening, or so I would suppose. I wouldn’t like to see Steve start buying into it too much. I also don’t want to be attacked by some nut who thinks she’s his destiny.

So far, so good, and all I have to do is ruminate over these things. I am just hoping it stays that way. I wouldn’t want either of us to wind up on some rival crime blog or anything.